I've moved to NY. We'll see how things shape up here. I'm excited.

8 hour crim final down. i think i did really well. i can't imagine doing better even if i studied more. its a nice feeling to have to know that you performed as well as you couldve. not sure if i found all the issues but i did see some sneaky ones. i wrote as much as i can given the word/ time limitationsand i think i hit on all the major things. i really think i did really well, i just hope the results matches now i feel right now. oh and i can't believe the test really did take 8 hours. i wrote about like 4700 words and had to edit down to the 4100 limit :/

sadly im not as confident for my two other finals so its back to studying :(

just bought my plane ticket to NJ for winter break. so its not Costa Rica or a Mexican Rivera cruise like I had hoped but at least its out of LA for a while. I'll def be in times square for the ball drop!

i can feel myself slipping to my old procrastination habits. It seems like the more stuff i have to do, the more stress i feel, the more i shut down and refuse to do anything... i don't know what kind of horrible self defeating response that is, but i feel like i keep falling into it. 

i think its because if i put things off then  i dont have to think about it :/ major avoidance. but its super bad for me because i needed up getting nothing done and just more and more behind.

im really struggling with whether i can continue going to the gym and worrying about what im eating everyday. but i also realize if i don't continue it im most likely going to binge on all the food ive been craving and gain back the 6 or 7 lbs i already lost. sigh.

my memo is due next week and i haven't really done anything for it. and all i want to do right now is make some rice, eat and watch tv. gah. i always crave carbs and tv when school gets hard.

i'm too lazy to type out the rant i really want to about anti-Gardisil progapanda and the misinformation people are spreading at the cost of women's healths. so i'm just copying and pasting a comment i wrote to someone's post asking about whether they're paranoid about worrying about hpv's safety and whether she should get it even though she doesn't think she need it. 

i get really frustrated when people over and over again question the safety of Gardisil even though they don't think twice about taking the newest non FDA approved wonder diet drug. why? because certain people with money are telling them the vaccine is dangerous and new vaccines kill people based on NO FACTUAL INFORMATION whats so ever. wtf.

is keeping women from having sex so important? more important than trying to prevent cervical cancer? do you think just because peoplecan get hpv, they won't hav sex? has it been being a great barrier to people from doing it??? PLEASE explain to me why we should be villianizing a vaccine that could safe many women's lives. please. tell me because i dont understand.

( cut for the copy and pasted comment )

yesterday was awesome in it was nice to see the boyfriend again. but really really shitty in that now im stressed out about school (well, even more stressed than before) because i didnt get anything done yesterday while everyone else seemingly studied the whole day we had off. its also shitty because its affecting today too cause im tired from waking up at 6am to drive back and have to make up some work for yesterday.

for some reason (either too much biking at the gym or too much bedroom activites yesterday) my inner thighs are really really sore.

somehow before Dec 1st i have to also get my resume, writing sample, cover letters etc in order to spend out to federal judges :/ talk about being stressed. i love how the summer intership search is at the same time as FINALS. argh.


so im probably not going to go to the gym today cause of the tireness, the soreness (i can barely walk after i stand up from sitting) and the masses of school work.

but not going to the gym is also super bad for me cause i ate like 3,500 calories yesterday and am prob gonna eat almost 2,000 today. :/ so i doubt im gonna see the 176.0lbs mark again this week.

so as if i dont feel guilty enough let me summarize what i ate last night:
rocky road ice cream with a sugar cone
1/2 Applebee's boneless buffalo wings
95% of Applebee's 7 oz steak and veggies and some mashed potatoes (no gravy thank god)
3 of the boyfriend's fried shrimps
a globet thing of Applebees sangria
a tall starbucks ginersnap latte (not sure why i didnt get a skinny version)
2 small glasses of wine
and before all that i already had 1,200 calories that day. :/

when i write it out, i wonder how im not 300 pounds.

anyway, and this morning the boyfriend wanted to go to mcdonalds to get breakfast so we went and i ate a mcskillet burrito thinking it'll have less calories than a mcgriddle (i was wrong...). it was 610 calories. plus my iced coffee is probably 700 calories for breakfast. i also had an orange later.

then for lunch i had a 8inch turkey sub with veggies but no cheese or dressing cept for mustard. im guessing thats around 400 cal since a subway 12 inch turkey is less than 600.

so thats about 1200 calories i've had for the day already. im probably going to go home and have a Subway hamd or turkey sandwich for dinner around 7 or 8. and then go to sleep early. whole new day tomorrow! which will require lots of exercise to burn off the scary calories of last night.

i walked both to and from class today. i usually walk pretty fast when im by myself so even though the weather was pretty cool by the time i go to campus i was a sweaty mess. this might also have something to do with me being too lazy to stop to take off my sweater when i started getting hot. oh well. so i might take the bus to campus tomorrow just so i dont go to class sweaty. or maybe i dont care. i guess it'll just depend on how early i wake up, though i realized when i walk fast it doesnt take all that much longer than taking the bus.

then i ate some pretty tasty food today and as for now has only had 1200 calories! though, im about to get a snack that'll bump it to 1500.

and i had a pretty good workout at the gym- until i got a little choked up when Obama won the election. breathing really hard while doing cardio+ getting teary choked up is not a good combo. ooh i also walked to the gym tonight instead of driving so go me.

im obssessed so i always weigh myself when i go to the gym. today was 178.8. while i dont think that means i lost .7lbs since yesterday im glad yesterday's weight wasn't some weird super low one either so i think i can safely say im really under 180. i wish i had a scale so i could weigh myself first thing in the morning so my weight when i measure wouldn't vary so much based on what i ate in the day and so forth.

so i finally got back to the gym today and was very very surprised to find that i only gained a pound or so for that whole week of binging. i was really afraid id get on the scale and it'd be 183 or so. but nope, 179.5! anyway i'm just glad that its still under 180 so there's still progress. i was hoping to not go over 178 after that weekend of eating out but i think 179.5 after extending that pigging out weekend to a whole week is still pretty good.

anyway, today was pretty good eating wise. i kept it under 1500 without feeling too hungry. i bought a lot of low calorie stuff last night like power bars and cereal and soy milk, salad and some frozen healthy choice meals (250-300 calories each) so im pretty much set for healthy low cal eating for the week. working out today seemed really tiring though but i maintained to stay on the machine for 40 minutes even though i kept turning down the resistance. i really need to start varying my work out- going on the treadmill more. but im so used to the ellpitcal and its so easy compared to trying to run on a treadmill. sigh. i was good and did some free weight exercises at home while watching tv though. but i think i might just do what im doing now as long as the weight keeps coming off. when i get to a plateau, i'll try varying more.

my goal for next monday is to lose two pounds which would put me around 177.5.

i need to be 174 to be out of the obesity zone BMI wise and im hoping to reach that by the first week of Dec. I'm giving myself some room for Thanksgiving :P

i was looking at my food diary from a few summers ago and i was 150. sigh. to be that weight again!

last week was a horrible week diet/exercise wise, as in i didn't exercise at all and binged on a lot of food. i'm quite scared of going back to the gym and finding how how many pounds i gained. sigh. i just hope i'm not over 183 (what i started from three weeks ago) now.

it actually really sucked because i didnt exercise because i felt really stressed out about school and wanted to have more time to study. but i ended up having a less productive week school wise than when i was taking 2 hours out of my day to exercise... i ended up spending a lot more time watching tv and talking to mike and generally just feeling tired and unmotivated than studying. i also was pmsing if that has anything to do with it... so i ate a bunch of chocolate and carbs (i ate a whole rice cooker of white rice and a thing of curry in a 3 or 4 days...). anyway. i just went a little crazy and i think all the crap i was putting into my system along with not getting exercise made me all moody and unable to study as well as last week.

so i didnt really catch up on any work, though i didnt get more behind or anything. the weekend passed by as usual without me doing work :/ horrible i know. now this week i must do research for my GRADED memo which is due in two weeks. so i dunno if im gonna be able to do my outlines that i reallly need to do, sigh. i also realized the concert im going to is the night before the memo is due. i mean it shouldn't be a problem because i should be DONE with it by then but knowing me... im scared.

anyway, the point of writing i guess is to turn over a new leaf (again) for this week. goals of this week are:
-exercise. no excuses. just get to the gym.
-count calories again. aim for 1500. (i dont expect eating well to be too dificult if i get the gym, if i dont, its almsot impossible for me to control my diet for some weird psychological reason)
- study at the library to prevent naping and watching tv all the time at home :/
- try to be happy despite it turning pitch dark at 5 :/ hopefully the gym will help this. if not- im gonna try to get some more sun in the mornings.

schedule that i hope to be following M-Thursday with maybe a break on Friday:
8am= get up, eat breakfast, pack some snacks for the school
9am-8pm school (classes + library studying time)
8-10pm= walk home (talk to parents/friends on the phone while walking), dinner+tv, tv+weights, phone/cam talk to mike
10-12= gym+ shower time
after gym= study, sleep

what a great fantastic weekend! all started out kinda crappy and stressed on friday with lots to do. but around 4 i just gave up and decided to make myself look pretty and get ready for my property professor's dinner party.

the party was pretty cool cause we got to see her house. i don't hang out with my classmates from that class much outside of class so it was nice having some time to talk to them. the house was ridiculous. it wasn't huge exactly, even though it was three floors + a roof that was like a patio you can hang out on with a sink and everything, but it was SO nicely decorated and pretty inside and out. but really most far out weird thing was she had a whole family of servants, like a grandma, a couple and their kids. none of them (cept the kids) spoke english. the lasagna they made was heaven but i couldn't eat too much cause i was saving room for mike...

so mike's plan came in a few minutes earlier so i left the party a bit earlier than i planned... driving over to the airport, i got really excited and happy it was finally the weekend after a long hard week. we headed over to Luna Park and got their much raved about goat chesse fondue, mac n' cheese, make your own s'mores, mojito, frozen grape drink, and dr. pepper drink. the mojito and mac and cheese was delicious but the fondue was kinda like eh. our waiter's name was also Mike but looked like Bobby Flay. haha. at the end of it all he came with this huge sparkling thing on a cover that looked like a cake with candles that i got to blow out. it was pretty fun.  then we went home for some more drinking and some sexing.

saturday we cooked a really good breakfast (my diet is gonna go to hell with all our leftover ingredients...), mike watched the UCLA game (and i wrote my memo). i made some baked salmon. we hung out for a while more in my apartment where we managed to break my glass coffee table by being dumb and trying to iron mike's shirt on it.

then we went to Cafe Del Rey for dinner #2 for perhaps the best tasting food of my life. we hit some traffic going there cause there was a car ON FIRE on the side of the 405. luckily it looked like the family was safe but the kids looked kinda shocked their car was on fire. anyway, we got there and the hostess lady was really nice and the food was INCREDIBLE. we discovered they had a fixed price menu after we got there for three courses for 40 some dollars so we both ordered off of that. i got this delicious tart thingy and mahi mahi and bitter chocolate souffle. mike got a pretty good salad and an incredible sparerib dish and some lemony dessert i didnt care for too much. the French Kiss cocktail i got there was even better than the drinks at Luna Park. the wine we got were both REALLY good (okay haha i ordered the same wine as mike after tasting his). at the end of the meal our waiter brought this really pretty tray out that had "Happy Birthday" written on it in chocolate with a little oatmeal cookie with ice cream in the middle and a candle to blow out. it was so beautiful. and even THAT tasted really good. so did the after dinner piece of chocolate they served in nice a tray. anyway i still can't quite believe how delicious the food there was. if they're doing Resturant Week LA, id definitely taking my old roommate there. the only thing that wouldve made it better is warmer/ tastier bread. their free bread was very eh. they had an olive bread (i couldnt taste the olives at all), a sourdough bread, and a raisin bread. the raisin bread had potential but it wouldve been a lot better warm. both nights when we went out to dinner we valeted my one functional headlight, window that doesn't go down car for $6 each time. i had a laugh.

anyway we originally planned to go to the UCB theater afterwards for a show but mike was feeling sick so we went home and watched Heroes instead. reminded me of old times when we spent like three weeks everyday after work just watching the first two seasons in his apartment. :(

then today we woke up and had went to Stan's for donuts and coffee for mike and i had a breakfast burrito at the shop next to Stan's. then we went hiking at the Hollywood trail. we up as close up to the Hollywood sign as we could and then we hiked to the top of the hill so we were above it. some pretty good sights of the valley but downtown was covered in haze as usual. afterwards mike got pretty hungry again so we went to big meal #3 and ate at this korean BBQ place i found on yelp. they had like 19 selections of meat and we tried 7 of them, 6 of which was delicious. the last one we got was "stomach", cause they didn't have tripe for some reason even though it was listedo n the menu, and it was impossible to chew/swallow. so after stuffing ourselves with bbq, we came home and took a nap. we were gonna go watch the sunset at the beach but some bed activites distracted us so we never made it over... we went to McDonalds and got a chocolate dipped cone for me and mcflurry for him, came home, cuddled some more in bed and i drove mike off to the airport again.

now hes flying back to AZ and im thinking about how i dont want to go to class tomorrow haha. wish the weekend couldve lasted forever. sigh. our whole weekend kinda revolved around eating but i LOVE trying otu new places to eat so it was pretty awesome for me. i'm sure we both gained at least 5lbs though so now its back to the gym and counting calories :/. AND THE HARD WORK OF SCHOOL!